A Few Jokes

Balls

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles — something she seemed to love to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, ‘Why do you love doing that?’

‘Because,’ she replied, ‘I miss mine.’

Fucked

One day a woman who was born with no arms and no legs is wheeled out to the beach. While she’s lying on her beach towel she notices an oil lamp that has been half buried in the sand beside her. She wriggles over to it and manages to rub her cheek on the lamp. A genie appears and he says “I am the genie of the lamp, you have released me and I grant you one wish.”The woman thinks about what she is going to wish for and she replies “I have no arms and no legs. I’ve never been fucked before, and I wish to get fucked!” So the genie picks up the woman and throws her into the ocean and says “Now you’re fucked!”

Nine Words Women Use

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine.”

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a not word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome.” That will bring on a “whatever”

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying you are in big trouble.

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology

*Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, because they know it’s true